Well hello y'all.. it has been a few months I believe since I wrote in here. Two at least. A lot has been going on, yet not much at all - at the same time. Thats strange, isn't it? Times flies and you feel so busy, yet you've hardly done anything. I've been working at a new job, which I have already since left. Wasnt bad though - fruit picking. Got fresh air, lots of sun, cute guys. Well, sorta... ;)

Started my Herbal medicine course.. will take one and 1/2 years till I finish. Bit longer then I originally thought two years ago when I started, but getting close to the finishing line. 
Right now I am relaxing after a nice rainy monday spent home. Its almost 11pm and I am drinking a beer. Its nice, not having to frantically try to get to sleep so i can be up by the crack of dawn. Won't last always, but there is something peaceful about tonight. A warm, rainy, summer night.

Tonight i have a special purpose for writing in here. Its a bit of a last ditch effort at communication.

Jean Paul, dunno if you will be able to ever read this... i've tried to email you with the address you left, but i've had nothing but returned letters. I've tried contacting your school, but they have not returned any of my messages. I don't suppose they would tell me how to get in touch with you, even if they did reply. I don't know how to get ahold of you. I decided to write this note to you here, in the chance that you decide to look upon these pages again. this is how you first met me, afterall.

I hope that you are settling into your new life well, and having fun, discovering more about who you are and the world we live in. I bet there are lots of interesting people where you are, and if you let people in I know you will 
nver be lonely either. I can imagine how people would be attracted to your warmth and openness.

My life is going ok.. ive been a bit lonely here back in my home town, but i was lonely in Auckland too so.. not that much different I suppose. I've missed you though, as well as the other important people who I met there. In a few months I will be teaching my first Reiki class.. I was thinking of you when I made the decision for some reason, hoping that you would be proud of me. I wish I could tell you in person! I know what you thought of Reiki, but its ok  
 
Ya know I do miss our talks and walks and laughing with you. I wish we had had more time to hand and have fun, go to the movies, go for summer swims, or even camping. Do you even like camping? I never asked. I never got to see your place either, and all your books. Sometimes I wonder if i was anything more then a kid to you, who probably needed advice all the damn time. I'd like to think that you miss me too. I wish that I told you how dear you were to me. I wish I had given you a big 'ol kiss on the lips, when I could. Maybe then I could at least rest at ease, knowing I had satisfied my desires, and been able to let you go more easily. I wish I hadnt been so damn afraid, so ready to run. i am sorry, to you.

its fine if you didn't want any of that, too.. its like you said. We are connected, and you are still here with me.
I am reading that book you kept telling me about "Conversations with God" by DOnald Walsch. Its a fantastic piece of work. I guess thats why I am writing you this letter. In the book it says to ask yourself, "What would love do?" when you don't know what right action to take. I suppose love would have kissed you, loved you and let you go completely. Now i am left with regret, because I did not.

As old as I feel, and as mature as people tell me I appear, around you I still feel like a confused teenager. About you, I feel excited and lost. Around you, I feel warm and safe. I miss you, and I hope you come back soon. take care friend and I do send my love with you. Many hugs .. but not the rough kind!

- Joel

Not sure if you're still checking this, but who knows. Sounds like you been having some interesting happenings. If you feel like a catch up, send me a few lines :)